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#confession #controversial #rant --- I feel like this is the first place where i can share this, without risking a ban. If you comment on it, i would really appreciate it, to stay respectful. As it is a very emotional topic for me. Pic kinda related. --- People telling me: "I'm a child sexual abuse victim" and that I'm "traumatized" and "abused" is the funniest shit ever. I was absolutely aware of what i was doing, i loved it and hell, i even was the one who initiated it. I would even go as far as saying i really craved it, later on in my childhood. The attention, the intimacy - and even knowing/being aware that what we do is really bad, made it so exciting! Now that I'm an adult, i know in how much danger i put them. They were risking so much, just to grant me a good time. And given how often we had our special moments, it's honestly a miracle we/they never got in trouble. And I knew not to say a thing to anyone, cause i knew, it would be over then. I'm aware that this might be highly controversial and there are a lot of bad cases around the world. But i wish i had even more partners to play with or had spend more time with the ones i had. And that society would not try to convince me that it was wrong. I very early developed sexual interest, masturbated (or rather "played" cause i didn't know how to do it properly yet) is why my parents even dragged me to psychologists. And it confused me so much. It made me feel like there is something wrong with me. That my body is something "Icky". Or the thoughts i had were sick. Which ultimately led me to stop seeing the people i loved so much. Constantly being told to "just be normal", being shamed and even treated like a freak. "Being normal" ruined a big portion of my childhood. I'm still not sure if my positive emotional and sexual experiences led to, me being interested in young people too, or if i was born this way, but even after discovering my interests, it never felt "wrong". I had several "normal" relationships over the years, but they all eventually ended because they couldn't understand me or the views/opinions i had. And i never found a adult partner that shared my opinions. I feel like, should i ever have a working relationship with a adult person again, it can only be with another pedophile. The people i came out to are still thinking, that my opinion, about my own childhood, is wrong. Or maybe they just don't want to accept that i truly had no problems with it. I also had to be super vague, not mentioning any details, when talking about this with people in real life. I would hate myself for the rest of my life, if anyone ever found out who they were or got in trouble. So i gave up on trying to explain or even talking about it. Its been so long that i wrote or said anything about this topic. And it feels like its taking a huge weight off my shoulders. Anyway, I wanna end this little rant with a message to my special childhood friends. Even tho they wont ever see this. Or even if, they wouldn't know who i am. But: I'm thankful, for all my different partners. You truly made my childhood special and exciting! Thank you for the wonderful time we had together. Thank you for being there for me when i had problems i couldn't talk about to with anyone else. I still think about our time together, over 25 years later, and it makes me happy. I hope you think about me too sometimes... :ShinobuCry: